Memo:

Dear Fob(s),

I understand your difficulty with the English language. Thanks to classes in psychology, I now know that a person "automatically" disregards sounds not used in their native language. This is why, for example, your L's and R's are fucked up. Not too long ago I, along with my peers, were basically forced to learn another language. This makes me familier with the frustration and dread that may occur during the learning process. However, as a new (hopefully legal) member of this country, I have to ask that you improve your English skills. It would make it easier for both you and I if I didn't have to ask you to repeat yourself every other sentence. Therefore, I am proposing the following guidelines for your endeavor:

1) If you are under the age of 40 and have been living here for at least ten years, your goal is to speak in a coherent, grammatically correct manner. A slight accent is acceptable; as long as your enunciation is mostly proper we will be okay.

2) If you are a college student or younger, your goal is to speak perfect English within five years. Get an accent tutor and practice. There is no reason why you shouldn't sound like you were born here if you try hard enough.

I know for a fact it is possible to speak perfect English if you are not a native speaker. Just put in the work and you will see the results. This way, when everyone laughs at a joke the professor makes, your friend who is trying harder than you at learning English doesn't have to translate and explain it to you.

Thank you for your time.

Cc: south of the border



The more attractive Hilton sister. I would trade Sosage for this one.